Thank you RollTide. I'm intimidated to go to Al-anon, but I've been looking it up and thinking a lot about it. His ex (the mother of his daughter) just started going to AL-anon because of her XAH. (am I using the shorthand right?) Anyway, we snickered together about her going. I feel like a hypocrite and a jerk. But I know that I need to work on myself now. Obviously I am codependent, and an enabler.
He's still living in the other room. I'm still living in mine. We haven't spoken since Friday night except for a few little things. But I haven't been crying, or playing sad songs or lamenting too much. We've got to talk about him moving out, I know. He did pay his half of the rent this month, so I of course analyze that to death about how he intends to stay, he's just mad right now, so when I tell him to leave he'll be angry again. Oh, and his birthday is on Monday, so I feel bad about that--but not speaking to each other has been really helpful for me to realize that this is indeed over.
I have also been putting off telling my mom and dad about what's going on. They are very religious and have never liked me living with my bf, but they have accepted him. The thing is, they don't know about his alcoholism or drug use. I've hid it very well. They just think he's got social anxiety and that's why he doesn't like to be around my family for very long. But the truth is he's uncomfortable around them because they don't believe in drinking, smoking or drugs at all--so he can't be himself around them. They knew that he drank and smoked, just not to the extent that he does, and they don't know about the pot. I've even hid from them that I drink occasionally and smoke cigarettes. He and I were sort of in on it together, whenever my family would come around, we'd hide the ashtrays, wine and beer. I feel bad for not even being able to be myself--whoever that is, around him AND my folks.
How lame that a 32 year old woman has been lying to her parents for all these years about that!
Anyone else have LDS families or super religious backgrounds? How do you deal with that guilt on top of everything else?