Just a Drunk
...........I have gone to bed for the last 20 yrs. of my life drunk. I still couldn't sleep and then starting taking ambien with the alcohol to get to sleep quickly. I medicate myself so i don't have to think of my past which was sexually abusive with a history of child neglect. Last night i blacked out and had to get 5 stitches in my chin. I don't even remember being in the ER. I feel I have had a wake up call and need to be responsible to my family. I feel humiliated and self defeated. I need to start now and quit and i have said this to myself before.