Aw, theuncertainty, I feel your pain.
Hm, taking care of myself... A few months ago, after attending Alanon for a few months, I realized that I needed to surround myself with people who were positive and healthy. I recall that I posted about that shortly after joining SR. That has made ALL the difference. I really like what L2L said about that stomach-in-knots feeling and how that happens around people who are toxic. I agree wholeheartedly.
It's a painful part of recovery in a way, because I've had to let go of some relationships that I have a lot of history with--even if it was questionable history. That includes my family, and the decision I made recently to not attend family functions for the next year, to give myself a break.
I know that dealing with your STBXAH isn't optional in some ways since you have a DS together, and I know what that's like since I have a thread going about coparenting with an ACOA. It's a lot of the same thing--lies, manipulation, control, and the "it's all about me no matter what"/King baby syndrome. So no great ESH on that one for me, I'm actively working that through at the moment.
As far as doing things for myself, I love to listen to my favorite music and I sing along in the car. I got a new haircut. I did something nice for 2 of my neighbors who have been very kind to me...they in turn did some nice things for me. I walk my dog and meet other "dog people". I work with my kids to have a "joke of the day" and we all chuckle together, and I feel the joy in my belly when I do that. I sweep and mop my kitchen floor, and scrub the sink. I water my flower garden. I let compliments sink into the very fiber of my being, noting where the resistance is, and letting it pass through anyway. I put on lipstick. I look in the mirror and I say once nice thing I really and truly like about myself. I put fresh flowers on my table. And most importantly, I start my day with meditation/prayer. EVERY DAY. I don't even send an e-mail, reply to a text message, get on SR--NOTHING happens before I meditate. It's only about 10 minutes out of my day but it's an intention for how I want to live my life that day. It was a little challenging to get into the habit of doing it but now it's as important as brushing my teeth!
These are all "small" things in my life that I have found I truly enjoy. I've tried to notice how and where I feel it, and how wonderful it is. Out of that I'm learning to truly love and appreciate myself.
One of my friends recently said, "You're finally learning to love the amazing person that everyone else sees when they look at you!" I'm still letting that one sink in, and it's not easy. One song, one walk, one flower/affirmation/lipstick application at a time.
Do one kind thing for you today, uncertainty. Just cuz.
Hugs,
posie