((((HUGS))))
I have so been where you are mentally. I understand the drudgery and fear and anxiety that it all brings. The most anxiety-ridden time of my life when when I was divorcing my daughter's dad. He was such a huge jerk and control-freak and had such an inflated ego. I actually filed for divorce while I was pregnant, so of course, we couldn't finalize anything until after the baby was born. That meant I had several months of dealing with his cr*p and I was so tired and beat down that I honestly didn't know if I was going to make it.
Hang in there, hon. I promise you, it will get better. It may take a while, but just know that as bad and crappy everything feels right now, there is a light at the end and once the court makes the rules, your ex will have to follow them and things will get easier.
