lildawg

That's a shame. Some people never can get past who you used to be when you were using. It was a regular Hyde and Jekyll situation when I drank, so I understand that they can't forgive me. They have their right to resent me for it.

You know what, though? If you've made amends and tried to get better, you can't do anything more. You either just have to shrug and smile or avoid them all together. I guess I'd base my choice on how miserable being around them made me.

Now, onto the present . . .

Sometimes it takes something like this to get you moving in the right direction. I'm glad you've come to the decision that your drinking has to stop. I won't tout how much better you'll feel because you already know you'll feel better, both physically and mentally.

You know, I quit twice. My first quit only lasted a little over a month. Then, my folks came to visit, and my dad brought me a bottle of Norwegian liquor. I drank the whole bottle over the course of one day. That started things rolling. Before long, I was acting like a jack@$$ again, complete with bucking and braying. I felt so bad and hated being drunk so much I quit again when the new year rolled around, and that one has stuck (so far).

I'd guess you started drinking again to assuage the loneliness you felt right after you had split up with your husband. And you kept on doing it because old habits are hard to break. Do you think that maybe you got so drunk at the family party because you know those folks don't like you anyway? Because you were dreading going and alcohol makes you feel more confident/happy/whatever? For me, recognizing the feelings I'd have right before I drank a whole bunch and made a jerk out of myself has been really helpful.

It took me a *long* time into my sobriety before I felt like apologizing to anybody. However, since these people don't like you anyway, have you thought about writing them a long, heartfelt letter of apology, explaining that you're getting help for your alcoholism? It doesn't matter if they "believe in" alcoholism as a disease or not. You will have said your "I'm sorry," and you can move on with your recovery. Whether or not they forgive you is their problem.

They may or may not forgive you. Either way, you have to make Suzie12 (yourself) well again, and that's going to take some soul searching and some perseverance. It took me a long time to accept this, but sometimes you've just burned your bridges with your drunk behavior. Some people will never forgive you. You have to move forward anyway. Apologize when you're ready, and, after that, let it go.

When it comes time for family gatherings, do the thing that keeps Suzy12 well and free of alcohol. Even if that's staying away from the gathering all together. When I know people don't like me, I tend to avoid them, even though I'm sober. There's no reason to make myself or the people who don't like me miserable by foisting myself upon the party. Everybody has a different way of handling such situations, though, and I don't believe there's a wrong approach -- other than showing up with flaming bags of poop and throwing them at the revelers.

I understand completely. My family thinks alcoholism means you can only drink every once in a while. They think that once you realize you are an alcoholic, you can control your drinking. [big eye roll] I'm glad you decided to post. I've only been here a couple of days, but it's already helping so much.

A lot of them don't. My husband is a drinker, but he is not a destructive alcoholic like I am. So, even though I quit, he still drinks. Every day. At first, it was hard for me to accept that life went on for everybody else around me, even though the party was over for me. I'm slowly learning to let others do what they will. I try to find the positive in every situation or I try to create a situation that is positive for me.

You totally have my sympathy, though, regarding your husband's beliefs about alcoholism.

I bet you will. Just find a support system (AA or other) and stick to it. I think you'll do well.