Welcome, Suzie,
The good news is that you NEVER have to feel this way again. Read around the site--there is a lot of good information here about alcoholism and ways to recover. I like AA, and it is the most accessible and readily available help there is out there.
Think about going to a meeting, and GO. Every one of us felt lower than low when we first started. You can feel better--maybe a lot sooner than you think.