Suzie12

I have been abusing alcholol since my early teens, in a very big way. I always thought I had it under control as I use to fool myself that I didnt ever reach for a drink in the morning or ever drink in the day, always held down a job and only drank in the evenings, but here is where the problems start, if I have one drink then I cant stop till I get blind drunk. I have no family at all, only my husband family and friends, who as you can probably imagine because of my problems they dont think very highly of me at all. 6 years ago after some medical problems (severe gastritis) I stopped drinking for just over three years. I lost wieght and treated myself to a whole new wardrobe of clothes, I felt fantastic and looked great, sadly i never regained the respect from my husbands family/friends and still felt very inferior and always as though they are looking down on me, which they do and talking about me which they are.

Anyway the big mistake, 3 years ago I started drinking again, a problem with my husband caused me to move out and that is when i started again. I have since moved back in with my husband, those problems being resolved, however the drinking has not.

This weekend I went to a family party and got blind drunk, I cant remember what I was doing, or indeed saying. I am so mortified, I feel like going to sleep and never waking up again but I realise there is no escaping real life and I have to face up to my problems, so I am determined to give up drinking again and stay sober.

I am going to call this day one as yesterday I was to hungover to drink anyway and spent most of the day in bed trying not to think about the exhibition I must have made of myself the day before, I am too ashamed to even ask my husband about it, and dread seeing any of his family or friends ever again. They are not the type of people you would telephone and apologise to.

I joined this site to meet people with similar problems as I have no one at all in real life to talk to about it. My husband thinks alcoholism is self inflicted and you should have some self respect and just stop. People without this problem dont seem to understand how difficult it is.

I hope I can be a useful member here in the future.