Welcome to SR! I truley understand your situation, been there done that.
There is not much you can do about the past, You CAN however do something about your future!
As someone else noted "Bad choices caused by alcohol. I think you need to blame the alcohol. Take a good look at what happens when you drink from your own words".
and "If drinking causes problems for you, then stopping drinking seems to make sense."
At this point I think the only way your husband is going to know you are serious is if you stop drinking! It will take some time for the hurt and bitterness to go away, but it will if you convince him you mean what you say(prove to him) I am praying you will find the way to mend your marriage back together. It sounds like it is worth the effort!..........Lucke