Well, I hate to admit this, but I did the same thing during my first marriage. I got drunk and cheated on my husband. He actually forgave me, but I realized that I didn't want to be in the marriage. He wanted me to be sober, but I wasn't ready to be sober. Wow, was I selfish.
Frankly, I don't blame the alcohol, but I do blame being an alcoholic for cheating. I used to say that I was a "binge drinker" too because it seemed like I could just limit my drinking to the weekend. I would, of course, drink excessively and wipe my good judgment completely out. Then, I started drinking more frequently. It seems like it is an aspect of addiction to keep pushing the envelope with more. I had heard that, but never thought that it would happen to me. When I think back to how many stupid and dangerous situations that I put myself in because I was drunk, I am happy to still be alive. When I think of how many people I hurt, including myself, because I was totally drunk, I just think that that has to be motivation for being sober.
I would say that maybe don't think of it as getting sober to try to get your husband back, but getting sober because you need to be well to be happy, make good decisions and maintain a healthy relationship. If you do it for him and not for yourself, then you might not feel like you are holding the reigns of your own life. You might actually resent him for wanting you to be sober, and that just spirals into more negative feelings and cyclical drinking to escape. I have only been sober for thirteen days, but it is already worth every one of them. I too suffer from depression, and also anxiety, but am already feeling better because I am not "pickling" my poor brain with alcohol. I can focus on being me and not being drunk. Also, don't forget to focus on what it is that makes you a wonderful person. Sounds crazy, but getting sober for me at least is for helping that wonderful person that still exists inside of me. So don't forget that she's still inside of you too.