sesh

I think we all have to work on ourselves FOREVER, we are all work in progress, we all have our demons to fight, but maybe the consenquences of failing in that struggle for the rest of us are not as devastating as for RA.
Once I truly realized life doesn't come with a waranty letter for the future, so many things changed for me.
My AH is in recovery now, and I know that is ceratin only for today, for this moment, no one knows what might happen tomorrow, and that goes for every single thing in life. When I look at things that way, there is a choice I need to make: I can either worry myself with all possible horrbile outcomes of days to come, or I can just stop and enjoy the moment. When I put it like that it's not hard to decide what to do.
Also, I don't think I'd be able to do that if I was still basing my happiness on my RAH sobriety. I took me a long time to let go and realize my happines depens only on me, on how I choose to look at things in my life.
I am not a religious person too, but I believe there is a some kind of balance in the Universe, the balance we're supposed to be part of. Also, I think the more I get in touch with my true self, the more I understand and cherish myself as the whole, selfsuficinet being, the more I'm in tune with balance of the Universe and life makes more sense.
I still love my RAH, I still wish him well, now I enjoy our life together as long as he is sober, if at some point he starts drinking again, that's where our paths will separate, I'll be sad for him, but that will not jeopardise the happiness I feel for being alive and blessed with my kids.
It took me an awful amount of pain to get where I am now, to realize life is actually that simple. And because of all that pain I know whatever happens I will not ever again be pulled back into craziness. Now I don't even think about it in terms of putting myself first or taking care of myself, to me now this is just plain common sense, the very thing that is allowing us to stay sane.