Originally Posted by
DayDreamBelever 
I suppose my words and actions are meant to speak to the man in him that I love and not the addict. I've read info about codependancy, and its not about that. Its about trying to talk to and understand what happened to the man he was before he let the addiction back in..... up until relapse a month ago, he was never this man.... up until a week ago, I had no answers for What was happening....
I'm not just a recovering codependent. I'm also a long-term recovering addict/alcoholic.
He
is an addict, and always will be. It
is a part of who he is.
I
am an addict and always will be, but hopefully one who continues the journey of recovery. However, addiction doesn't define me. Being an addict is just one small part of the sum of who I am.
Should I make the
conscious choice to return to active addiction, then I will become that self-centered, manipulative, lying, cheating addict. That
will become the total sum of who I am.
He didn't just decide to relapse out of the blue.
It happens long before that drug is picked up.
I speak from experience because I relapsed after 4 years clean/sober.
He may have kept up a good facade with you until the point he relapsed, but he was working his way towards it in his mind.
Addiction makes no sense. I understand that you want answers. You may never get all the answers.
When I relapsed, I was no longer that person everyone knew the 4 years before.
I also wasn't the same person after I got clean/sober again.