RobbyRobot

I know why I drank.

And although delusion did have it's assigned seat at my round table so to speak, I was not clueless as to what drinking did to me and for me. I was not just something full of excuses and delusions. That in itself can be a delusion -- that we know nothing about whatever while drinking with alcoholism or while getting and living sober. I still had a brain back then, and I used it both for good and ill. Then and now.

Triggers also exist for me. Do now and did then. I would be at the peril of my alcoholism should I believe that my sobriety has totally did away with all my triggers. My alcoholism is arrested to be sure. I though am free to frigg things up yet again, you know, so I must be diligent and not careless. I am what I am. A sober alcoholic yes, but alcoholic nonetheless.

I haven't missed what your saying Keith, I don't think. I just don't agree. I fully believe now and back then, that if i lived my life a certain way, I would not continuously suffer from active alcoholism. I did (of course!) have to experience the failure of moderated or controlled drinking to fully understand that final nail in my coffin was complete abstinence. That had to be attempted, and all alcoholics would have some understanding of that experience for themselves, I'm sure.

It seems I was right after all, about myself, looking back now. Kinda of a back to the future thing, i guess. I now live my life a certain way through sober living, and my alcoholism illness is arrested. I'm not perfect and my life proves that daily, LOL, but I'm sober! And have been for many years now. I'll take that no problem and be grateful for the good, the bad, and the whatever my life offers me today.

It's your ESH you shared Keith, so i have every respect of course, you know that. I've shared some more of mine now too.

Cheers!
Rob