DayDreamBelever, welcome to SR.
Writing letters has been very therapeutic over the years for me in my recovery.
Every single one of them has not be sent to the potential recipient. Sometimes I share the letters with my sponsor.
Please look for Alanon or Naranon meetings to attend in your area. There you will find face-to-face support from those who understand.
I second the suggestion by outtolunch to get a copy of "Codependent No More."
I will also tell you that I have been around the rooms of recovery since 1986, and the vast majority of those who are staying clean/sober because they are currently in the court system usually don't stick with it once they are off of paper.
We have one fellow at my home group who stuck around after he met his court requirements, and he's an absolute delight. He has 4 years sober now. He's one of the rare ones.
Addiction is unforgiving. It will suck the life out of you, and you don't even have to be the one using drugs.
My EXAH died a few years ago, complications due to AIDS, related directly to his drug use.
I was incredibly blessed to walk away from that marriage alive.
Give this man the dignity to experience the consequences of his choices.
He will chew you up and spit you out if you don't.
I have a 32 year old addict daughter, and I can guarantee you I don't make jail visits, send calling cards, visit her, or put money on the books for her when she's incarcerated. I don't cushion her falls.
She is free to live her life as she sees fit.
My life is full and reasonably happy in spite of how she lives hers.