I'm just simply not ready to talk to Any of my family and friends about this. I've barely begun to wrap my own head around it.
What I want is what I will never get. The answer to my questions at the end of my post... I'll accept that once the addiction took over, it is what its expexctwd to be. But the first time he went out.... Why? That's part of what drives me nuts... well over 3 F'n years clean and he made the Very sober choice to go out that first time. We became au h a happy family. So many things were going good for him. Why? Why?? I keep telling myself that its an answer I can't have and tow stop frying my brain and let it go.... but its the question I think 100 times a day whether I want to or not.