I think that the vast majority of times,
with a group of "normal" drinkers, it is about hospitality, conviviality... "join us for drink and good times"! It is, with a group of normal drinkers, I believe, not about trying to make them feel better about themselves at all... Most people are not alcoholic, in fact, most people hardly drink at all...
My wife of over twenty five years never, ever, has a drink when we are out to dinner and hardly ever at social occasions... now she's not alcoholic... She never feels resentful or anything at all, when she is invited to have a drink... a simple "no" and she gets a diet coke.... We went to dinner at a resort close by where her brother works as the wine director (!!)... he was giving everybody at the table some tasting instructions for the different wines he brought out... (wine tasting was NOT the reason for dinner, family had come in from far away and it was social)... all the while I was enjoying the hints of lemon and lime and the tickle of carbonation in my Sprite
... He was a little insistent that my wife try the reisling, which is what she likes... He poured it for her anyway, before the food came ... and when they were carrying the dessert plates away... it remained untouched....
Remember, we see things, especially in early sobriety, in a different light... What is the reality in those situations?... probably pretty benign...
However, I have absolutely NO BUSINESS AT ALL, going to a keg party or a happy hour or a martini bar or a beer and wine tasting event... So I don't go.
Mark