Sofa, when do we just jump in and enjoy the swim? Well, easy for us to say: "Ah! Retreat! You're not ready!" But in Real life, it's hard to just keep backing away. We ARE human, and we DO have human needs. And guess what? Some of them are HEALTHY human needs.
You are for sure doing what I do, with the analyzing, questioning EVERYTHING, second-guessing.
I think that TLG really hit a nail on the head here. Hmm....some game-playing?
My brother told me shortly after his divorce and hook-up with a seriously dysfunctional woman that he was so infatuated with he couldn't see straight....that it is so normal to jump rather quickly into a new relationship that it happens more often that not. And his take on it, was that he sort of had to go through some relationship junk to get to where he did get. Like practice.
You can't learn how to be in relationship by looking at others, by reading a book, you need to do it, and learn from those experiences.
I said to my therapist two weeks ago:
"I feel some guilt for not pining over Brian anymore. I feel like suddenly he is so disposable. Like because I am experiencing other people, and because I currently am seeing someone whom I really enjoy, that....what....I just move on the rest of the way, and leave him in the dust?"
His reply was, "Well, Christine, that's what we do."
This is the second thing that he has said that I'm not sure how I feel about. It makes me question whether he is as knowledgeable as I had given him credit for. But one thing is sure and that's that because of my relationship with this therapist, I set really good boundaries, I moved away from someone that although I cared about wasn't healthy for me to be with, and I am continuing the discovery process.
Take what you like and leave the rest I guess.