Originally Posted by murrill

I also had "problems" before I ever took my first drink. In fact, it was alcohol (at lest in the beginning) that made the problems less glaring. Frankly, I was relieved to learn that alcoholism was really a sumptoms of other issues: It marked the beginning of self-forgiveness. I discovered that once I took away the drink I was left with the part of me that was "sick," the part that needed to heal. But none of that was going to happen until I removed alcohol from the equation. I remember trying to bargain with myself while I was still drinking: I reasoned that if I could just get my life together then either of two things would occur:
1. I would spontaneously quit drinking, OR
2. I would still drink but I wouldn't be so out-of-control crazy when I did.
Of course, I couldn't get things together until I quit drinking, but oh! How I tried.
Today, several years sober, I read things about addictions that I think are pretty ridiculoous. But I don't take it personally anymore. It is more of an intellectual amusement. I know that people have to try whatever they find until something works. I cannot change that. The best I can do is share my own experience, strength, & hope.