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Old 07-21-2010, 03:19 AM
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Frustrated

When I get frustrated about the fact that I choose not to drink, I read about addiction. I'm always finding new and interesting things to read, whether it be someones personal story of recovery, a uni students thesis, whatever.

I know the whole thing with recovery is to do whatever works for you and let others do the same, but man, id love to shove some books down peoples throats sometimes. It seems some people are so shutdown to new information, its like if you told them there was a massive oil leak in the gulf of mexico theyd deny that too. What frustrates me is that so many people seem to point to alcohol as being the problem, without realising its underlying behaviours that often need addressing. Like I obsessed over things waaaay before I started drinking - different foods, boys, videogames, marijuana, then alcohol. I want to learn why I behave this way and then hopefully modify my behaviour - that doesnt have to include drinking again - I just want to be able to think differently. Like reconditioning my brain! Not sit around with a bunch of people that have one addiction in common with me and chat - I can see the benefits of that kind of therapy, sure. But I know enough recovering addicts in the community that I can catch up with and laugh/cry about the old days.

Well I suppose there aint much of a point to this im just venting, I thought this'd be the best place to post. I feel like a minority round here because im dealing with my recovery without the 12 steps and it would be good to have some reassurance from people doing their recovery their own way too
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Old 07-21-2010, 03:52 AM
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I believe that I had underlying issues long before I drank too Ainslie - but I needed to deal with my alcoholism too...I doubt that dealing with my underlying issues alone would have made my reliance on alcohol disappear.

As for others...it may sound like a cliche but I really did find it easier to concentrate on the similarities not the differences with others here...and believe me, I tried it both ways

D
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Old 07-21-2010, 04:16 AM
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When i first was introduced to AA thru rehab i hated it with a passion, i remember i used to search the net for material that maligned the program and used it when i was in discussion group. After a few years of lies and deceit i hit rock bottom and crawled back to the rooms and without doing the steps or getting a sponsor i got sober. Today at 1 year, i find myself living abroad where there is no AA or any form of recovery treatment so im all alone on my journey. Forums like this are my lifeline to never having to take the first drink.....Peter
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Old 07-21-2010, 04:22 AM
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Cheers for your response Dee. I do look for the similarities, I think im just extra uptight today, Some days its like I feel compelled to be either totally irritated or completely bored by everything, including myself. Other days im pathologically optimistic. But yea on my off days I tend to amuse myself merely with my own cynicism. And thats not healthy....still it doesnt get my drunk. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
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Old 07-21-2010, 04:50 AM
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I agree with you about the underlying problems, Ainslie. At least in my case I feel that the alcohol is secondary to the underlying problems -- a couple in particular. I don't think it's that way for everyone, though, and sometimes it's difficult for people to relate to situations that don't mirror their own. I don't think anyone means to be intolerant, but a certain amount of zealotry about one's own program is probably necessary for many people to overcome such a life consuming problem. When I try to think about it that way, and assume good intentions from others regardless of our differences, I believe it helps me to be less judgmental in return.

That said, I did feel the need to hide out here in Secular Connections for awhile because I was feeling a bit pressured by other people's good intentions elsewhere. That wasn't about anyone else, though, it was about my own lack of confidence.
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Old 07-22-2010, 02:12 AM
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Originally Posted by TuffNut View Post
I don't think anyone means to be intolerant, but a certain amount of zealotry about one's own program is probably necessary for many people to overcome such a life consuming problem. When I try to think about it that way, and assume good intentions from others regardless of our differences, I believe it helps me to be less judgmental in return.
It makes a lot more sense when you put it that way.
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Old 07-22-2010, 01:19 PM
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I also had "problems" before I ever took my first drink. In fact, it was alcohol (at lest in the beginning) that made the problems less glaring. Frankly, I was relieved to learn that alcoholism was really a sumptoms of other issues: It marked the beginning of self-forgiveness. I discovered that once I took away the drink I was left with the part of me that was "sick," the part that needed to heal. But none of that was going to happen until I removed alcohol from the equation. I remember trying to bargain with myself while I was still drinking: I reasoned that if I could just get my life together then either of two things would occur:
1. I would spontaneously quit drinking, OR
2. I would still drink but I wouldn't be so out-of-control crazy when I did.
Of course, I couldn't get things together until I quit drinking, but oh! How I tried.
Today, several years sober, I read things about addictions that I think are pretty ridiculoous. But I don't take it personally anymore. It is more of an intellectual amusement. I know that people have to try whatever they find until something works. I cannot change that. The best I can do is share my own experience, strength, & hope.
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Old 07-22-2010, 03:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Ainslie View Post
I feel like a minority round here because im dealing with my recovery without the 12 steps and it would be good to have some reassurance from people doing their recovery their own way too
A minority + one

I'm going solo too, and so far (day 19) I feel really good about the way things are going.

Everybody's different, and some people may need to surrender themselves to a greater force which will provide them with the strength to make it through the recovery process. (My theory is that the perceived outside greater force is actually manufactured from within the person who seeks it, but that's another debate).

I prefer to learn what's happening to me physiologically, and how those changes effect my thought processes. This gives me strength; knowing how and why I'm feeling as I do, and it also gives me a heads up as to what is coming next.

I believe it is me, and only me, who will choose to pick up that first drink or to have the strength of will not to.

Murray
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Old 07-24-2010, 04:19 AM
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Originally Posted by murrill View Post
I discovered that once I took away the drink I was left with the part of me that was "sick," the part that needed to heal.
Exactly! Im still learning to cope with emotions ive stifled - and making plenty of mistakes on the way. I require heaps of patience from my friends! But in turn im still fiercely loyal to those that do have the time for me.....and try my hardest not to be offended by those who dont.
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Old 07-24-2010, 05:27 AM
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My problems started long before the alcohol.

That said, I still have to deal with the alcohol addiction...it's been a problem even with over a year sober (and how! I'm surprised I've made it as long as I have...)

Shoot, I was walking through a local festival yesterday to get some really good food...and several people were walking around with HUGE mugs of beer...man some days it's tough.

Yes, I'm still sober, but I won't lie and say that everything's 100% fantabulous. Obviously sometimes when I'm around alcohol it's bothersome..and the funny thing is there is always booze in the house...but the vast majority of the time that doesn't bother me. Lol...yesterday I was looking in the fridge, saw a bottle of wine and said to myself, 'what's the point? that wouldn't be enough!' Luckily I'm too lazy to make an effort to drink...and lately I've had to remind myself of what happens when I do and how hard it was to stop the last time and how in only 3 days during my last relapse I was back to my old drinking levels. I don't have the energy to deal with a relapse...sh*t...that's a full time job...so I do something else.

I know that when my depression is acting up (now) I need to be on guard. Who knows how long this terrible ride will last...I hope I feel better soon. I just focus on keeping my head above the water.

I don't like it, but addiction is a part of who I am. Yea. Addiction and depression.

Which reminds me...I need to do something about all the food I eat...I'm in no hurry to tackle that one...that'll be tougher than quitting booze.

*slamming my head to the desk*
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Old 07-24-2010, 08:25 AM
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I haven't been to AA, or done any of the recovery programs, I just do my own thing...in my own way, and so far its working.. I celebrate my 6 months tomorrow!! and there are days that aren't so good, but a day sober is a thousand times better than a drunk day!! Bam, I liked your post....I could really relate to it..thanks for sharing!!
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Old 07-24-2010, 08:14 PM
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Originally Posted by Ainslie
I'm always finding new and interesting things to read, whether it be someones personal story of recovery, a uni students thesis, whatever.
I find it refreshing to read about the new research that concerns addiction and its treatment. Its good to be informed about what addiction really is about. That way I can put together a treatment plan that honors my secular beliefs and be able to recover at the same time.
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Old 07-25-2010, 05:19 AM
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Originally Posted by Zencat View Post
I find it refreshing to read about the new research that concerns addiction and its treatment. Its good to be informed about what addiction really is about.
Indeed
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Old 07-25-2010, 10:00 AM
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Originally Posted by Zencat View Post
I find it refreshing to read about the new research that concerns addiction and its treatment. Its good to be informed about what addiction really is about. That way I can put together a treatment plan that honors my secular beliefs and be able to recover at the same time.
You're singing my song! If you (or anybody else) find something good, don't forget to post it to the thread below for the rest of us to read, okay;

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rch-links.html

Murray
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Old 07-25-2010, 09:37 PM
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Hi guys! First i'd like to thank Ainslie for suggesting I check this group out, and then I got excited when I realized my favorte posters were here:-)

I didn't come here initially because I do actually believe in God, however my God helps those who help themselves, so I hope that's okay.

I have always believed that the best way to tackle a problem is to get all the info available, which is how I am approaching this problem.

Thx again Ainslie!
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Old 07-25-2010, 09:47 PM
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Bamboozle said:

'what's the point? that wouldn't be enough!'
I totally do that too!


I had "problems" before alcohol as well. And I have used alcohol to "deal" with them. But for me, I see them as two almost unrelated issues. My problems were there looong before I knew I had an alcohol problem. And I drink (drank) because I love everything about alcohol - except for all the bad parts - and don't need a reason.
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Old 07-26-2010, 09:24 AM
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I have been jumping around from the SR site to the SMART site for weeks now. Trying
to make the leap from the "addict" mindset, to the idea that we are personally responsible for our actions. I am glad I found this thread! Thank you for being here.
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Old 07-26-2010, 10:09 AM
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Wtf?

Originally Posted by murrill View Post
I also had "problems" before I ever took my first drink. In fact, it was alcohol (at lest in the beginning) that made the problems less glaring. Frankly, I was relieved to learn that alcoholism was really a sumptoms of other issues: It marked the beginning of self-forgiveness. I discovered that once I took away the drink I was left with the part of me that was "sick," the part that needed to heal. But none of that was going to happen until I removed alcohol from the equation. I remember trying to bargain with myself while I was still drinking: I reasoned that if I could just get my life together then either of two things would occur:
1. I would spontaneously quit drinking, OR
2. I would still drink but I wouldn't be so out-of-control crazy when I did.
Of course, I couldn't get things together until I quit drinking, but oh! How I tried.
Today, several years sober, I read things about addictions that I think are pretty ridiculoous. But I don't take it personally anymore. It is more of an intellectual amusement. I know that people have to try whatever they find until something works. I cannot change that. The best I can do is share my own experience, strength, & hope.
Umm excuse me Murrill, when did you crawl inside my head and steal my thoughts! I couldn't have written a post that explained how I feel so explicitly. I guess cause I still only got 6 months and you have a couple of years? Wow, I am stunned. Am dealing with the "sick" part of me, it is getting better all the time and it would have NEVER happened if I hadn't quit drinking.

thanks Murrill for explaining it so well.
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Old 07-26-2010, 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Ainslie View Post
When I get frustrated about the fact that I choose not to drink, I read about addiction. I'm always finding new and interesting things to read, whether it be someones personal story of recovery, a uni students thesis, whatever.

I know the whole thing with recovery is to do whatever works for you and let others do the same, but man, id love to shove some books down peoples throats sometimes. It seems some people are so shutdown to new information, its like if you told them there was a massive oil leak in the gulf of mexico theyd deny that too. What frustrates me is that so many people seem to point to alcohol as being the problem, without realising its underlying behaviours that often need addressing. Like I obsessed over things waaaay before I started drinking - different foods, boys, videogames, marijuana, then alcohol. I want to learn why I behave this way and then hopefully modify my behaviour - that doesnt have to include drinking again - I just want to be able to think differently. Like reconditioning my brain! Not sit around with a bunch of people that have one addiction in common with me and chat - I can see the benefits of that kind of therapy, sure. But I know enough recovering addicts in the community that I can catch up with and laugh/cry about the old days.

Well I suppose there aint much of a point to this im just venting, I thought this'd be the best place to post. I feel like a minority round here because im dealing with my recovery without the 12 steps and it would be good to have some reassurance from people doing their recovery their own way too
Sorry Ainslie for having hijacked the thread a moment ago.... I was just so blown away by Murrill's post.

Anyway, please, you are not alone and allowed to vent any ole time you want. We are all on a road to recovery and not all of us are 12 steppers. Doesn't mean we are not going to make it, we will. We are working on the underlying problems that led us to alcohol (or any other addiction) as our crutch. In my case, the alcohol exacerbated the problems and it was just a downward spiral from there. It is good to have SR where we find others like us and many not like us, too. Good to hear and evaluate what everyone is going through, pick what fits us and is good for our recovery and keep moving forward. Doesn't matter what road you take, it is reaching the destination that counts.
Be strong!
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Old 07-26-2010, 03:51 PM
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Hi:-)

I am glad I am here, everyone on SR is so nice, but sometimes it is nice to get away from the main part of the site, because there are a lot of things I have a lot of problems with and I feel I can't even politely and non-confrontationally suggest an alternate idea.

One of the biggest benefits so far since giving up alcohol is my depression has disappeared. I know alcohol is a depressant and I am curious whether it was the sole contributing factor to my depression or if it was just an accelerant...only time will tell!
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