Having an alcoholic father qualifies you for al-anon, perhaps he would accept that?
Your husband's alcohol use is troubling you whether or not he is an alcoholic, so the fact that it is a problem for you is real whether he agrees or not. Not helping around the house anymore to the extent that you must hire someone to accomodate his drug use is pretty telling. And it sounds like you are getting depressed. And no wonder!
I am glad you have found SR, you will find alot of wisdom and support!
We will help you honor your needs and wants! That isn't selfish, that is self-care and it is important.
hugs!