HI, I was prescribed xanax....at the end I was prescribed 6 a day way too many.
I had been prescribed xanax for many years.
First I want to tell you that xanax causes depression. Taking them in the amounts you are taking doesn't mean you need a new or different antidepressant, it means you are experiencing one of the primary side effects of xanax and it is dangerous.
You are having blackouts. You could actually act on a suicidal impulse when you are not in your right mind and not even know what you are doing.
I have had that experience once, thankfully some part of me called 911.
I woke up with a respirator tube down my throat (it wasn't xanax I took, but similar enough). I just wanted to get some sleep and woke up in ICU.
You CANNOT go cold turkey off Xanax. That pain and falling down was just the beginning. It gets worse and it stays worse and bad for a long time. It has to be strictly monitored and tapered. There is no other way.
Not only are seizures a risk, but your grasp of reality will become very weird and surreal, you will be very, very sick in so many ways...I don't even like to think about it.
Sometimes my Drs will still suggest that I take a different kind of benzo but related to xanax. my answer to that is hell no!
This is not going to get better. It is going to get way worse.
Sooner or later you will have to get help. Sooner is easier.
I did it on my own several times. Bad news and I would always wind up back on them at some point.
It takes time to taper and get your system clean. I always rushed it.
Without it in my system, I don't ever want that mess in me again.
That is my experience, in part.
This is one of the wickedest drugs. You can't just pop them like pez candies to stop the withdraws. I see you keep taking more when you do that.
This particular chemical is running you.....it has the tendency to do that and always should be carefully monitored when prescribed.
I hope you get professional help ASAP, that is the only successful way to health with that one.
hugs!