not sure if I can take much more
My husband and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary this past Friday, everything seemed to be going good. Yesterday he decided to go swimming with some friends, even made plans with me for later on in the evening. I called him at 8:30 in the pm and he was drinking with his friend. Well, it's 10 am, no husband. Not the first time he has done it. He has passed out in cars, driveways. However he has never been out this long and I am so scared. Like too worried to be angry at him.I have called the friends cell phone and no answer.
He has been doing this for a few years now, but lately his drinking iis at it's worst. Tuesday night he got drunk and couldn't even go into work, he didn't even call in. Friday, he stayed up until 5 am drinking after I went to sleep. We are broke all the time due to his vices.
In addition to drinking, he is also addicted to video poker. I have watched him lose $1200 in a night. People are always telling me that I shouldn't ALLOW him to behave like that but I realize Iam powerless to his addiction. If I tried to stop him, he would become enraged. We have gotten physical over car keys.
What is probably an awful thing to say, is that today I am praying he is in jail. Atleast I would know he is safe.
I honestly don't know how I wound up with someone like him. My father was and still is just like him. Disappearing, gambling away entire paychecks. I remember not having Christmas because Dad lost his check at the track. Now I see myself having to buy my three year old used clothes or having to s take him to the food bank because we can't afford groceries. We shouldn't be poor, he makes $22 an hour!
I am so emotionally drained by him and h cannot even fathom why Ifeel like Ido.