not sure if I can take much more

Old 07-18-2010, 11:28 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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not sure if I can take much more

My husband and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary this past Friday, everything seemed to be going good. Yesterday he decided to go swimming with some friends, even made plans with me for later on in the evening. I called him at 8:30 in the pm and he was drinking with his friend. Well, it's 10 am, no husband. Not the first time he has done it. He has passed out in cars, driveways. However he has never been out this long and I am so scared. Like too worried to be angry at him.I have called the friends cell phone and no answer.
He has been doing this for a few years now, but lately his drinking iis at it's worst. Tuesday night he got drunk and couldn't even go into work, he didn't even call in. Friday, he stayed up until 5 am drinking after I went to sleep. We are broke all the time due to his vices.
In addition to drinking, he is also addicted to video poker. I have watched him lose $1200 in a night. People are always telling me that I shouldn't ALLOW him to behave like that but I realize Iam powerless to his addiction. If I tried to stop him, he would become enraged. We have gotten physical over car keys.
What is probably an awful thing to say, is that today I am praying he is in jail. Atleast I would know he is safe.
I honestly don't know how I wound up with someone like him. My father was and still is just like him. Disappearing, gambling away entire paychecks. I remember not having Christmas because Dad lost his check at the track. Now I see myself having to buy my three year old used clothes or having to s take him to the food bank because we can't afford groceries. We shouldn't be poor, he makes $22 an hour!
I am so emotionally drained by him and h cannot even fathom why Ifeel like Ido.
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Old 07-18-2010, 11:45 AM
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Originally Posted by pitbullmama View Post
We shouldn't be poor, he makes $22 an hour!
Yeah, I know the feeling. I graduated LPN school almost 2 years ago and our income has doubled since then. Still just as broke, and not a penny in savings either.
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Old 07-18-2010, 12:17 PM
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Husband finally called, passed out at a friends house, angry for me being angry at him. Said I need to grow up.
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Old 07-18-2010, 12:26 PM
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He is an alcoholic, this is a progressive disease, it will get worse.

What are you doing for you? Do you have a job? Are you putting away money JIC you need it to exit this relationship?

There is something else, getting physical over the car keys? This is a red flag, pay attention.

You ended up with someone like him because that's all you knew, that doesn't mean that you can't learn a new way.
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Old 07-18-2010, 01:13 PM
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Welcome to SR, pitbullmama!

As has already been said, alcoholism is a progressive disease. It only gets worse, never better when left untreated.

Gambling addiction is the same.

I would highly recommend getting your hands on a book called "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.

Check into Alanon meetings in your area as there you will find face-to-face support from people who understand.

Alcoholism is a family disease. I come from generations of alcoholics on both sides of the family, and was the first to break the chain when I went through rehab in 1986.

I am also a recovering codependent. I was married to an abusive alcoholic/addict (now deceased), have a 32 year old daughter who's an active addict, and my 22 year old is an untreated codependent hooked up with an alcoholic.

You don't have to stay stuck in this cycle that has repeated for another generation.

I know how draining and utterly devastating it is being married to an alcoholic.

Keep posting and know you are among friends.
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