This is my very first post on this forum...I know what I should do, and just need to talk. My husband of 15 years has had an addiction to alcohol since I have known him, and an addiction to crack for the last 5 years. June 16 2009, he went to treatment and got help and was sober for an entire year, which was the longest he has ever been sober since I have known him which has been 19 years. 3 weeks ago he started using again. and has every week since then, he has said nasty stuff to me and about me during this time. During the year, we got closer and he got closer to his kids. Yes, we have kids almost 15 and 12, a boy and a girl. He would tell me how happy he was and how close we all had gotten, on an almost daily basis. And now the nasty stuff he is saying about me. (I listened to a conversation between him and some others after I called him and he failed to hang up the phone.) I just don't understand this, he always has an excuse and always blames someone else for his using. And I am usually the one being blamed, my weight, my clothes, money ect...he still works, and makes good money, the scary part if all this is he is a truck driver. All it would take would be a UA through his work and he would have no job...he has told me he is leaving again, its the second time in 3 weeks he has done so. He is one of the sickest people I have ever met. He has left me with EVERY bill that we have, and there is no way I am going to be able to pay these bills on my salary, if they were spaced out maybe, but, not the way it looks now. And to make things worse, my son has started cutting himself over this. The pain is just too great. All of the promises and trust is gone, and I pity him, but, I love him. Listen to me, can you believe that? He is a good man when he is sober, and he has said the only reason he is alive
today is because of the 3 of us...I know that within a year he will be have lost his job, gotten seriously hurt, or will have lost his job, if he does not get the help, whether he is with us or not. I am ashamed of myself for taking him back over and over and over, and even begging him to come back, I am really going to need courage this time or he will be back. We went to family counseling while he was in treatment, and it was nice, and I am going to take the 3 of us back starting next week, I can't afford it, but, it just has to be done. I really hope that this made sense and there are those out there that have had similar experiences that they can share, I need to know it is going to be ok...thanks for letting me talk.
