dvd,
As Minnie says, Please go over to the Al Anon boards!
You have not failed anyone! You are doing what it takes to protect your family. I repeat...... you have not failed anyone!
As an alkie/addict(in recovery), I can tell you that when I was in my disease nobody could tell me anything. I was going to do what I wanted regardless. Nobody could change me until I wanted to change.
If/when she chooses recovery, I have no doubt that she'll thank you for saving yourself and your kids....... I've seen this many times.
Take care of yourself, dvd. You can't take care of anyone else unless you do this first.