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Old 07-05-2004, 12:49 PM   #1 (permalink)

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living with alcoholism

I am desperately seeking some advice. I have been married for 14 years and my wife is a alcoholic. I love her and feel horrible about asking her to leave our home because of the alcoholism. I have tried every way possible way to support her. I have become so depressed because I failed her and my kids. I wanted her to seek help but she refused and doesn't acknowledge the problem. I am slowly dying from all of the guilt I feel. Throughout our marriage she has fallen in love with a different man, spent enough of our money for two lifetimes but yet I still feel like I have let her down! I don't understand all of this. Can someone please shed some light on this for me.
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Old 07-05-2004, 12:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hi Dvd,

Welcome to SR. I am the alcoholic in our family, sober a few years now and I was lucky enough that my husband stayed with me during my 3 years of drinking. I am sorry for your situation and suggest you check out the AlAnon forum on this board. That is for families and friends and you'll find many people with situations similar to yours.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
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Old 07-05-2004, 01:07 PM   #3 (permalink)

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Hey DVD,
Welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm glad you're here.
Alcoholism is a disease. It is not your fault that your wife has it.
I repeat, it is not your fault.
And I don't see how you have failed at anything after fourteen years of support.
You can't make her seek help, she has to want that for herself.
And whether or not it feels that way to you right now, letting her go to find her own way is a very loving thing to do.
Please come join us on the Alanon and Naranon boards.
There are a lot of people there who understand just what you're going through.
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Old 07-05-2004, 01:28 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Please come over to the Al-Anon boards. You are not alone in this mess. We are all going through it in some shape or form.

You have not failed anyone - alcoholics can't be helped unless they want to help themselves.
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Old 07-05-2004, 02:06 PM   #5 (permalink)
we're all mad here!
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As Minnie says, Please go over to the Al Anon boards!

You have not failed anyone! You are doing what it takes to protect your family. I repeat...... you have not failed anyone!

As an alkie/addict(in recovery), I can tell you that when I was in my disease nobody could tell me anything. I was going to do what I wanted regardless. Nobody could change me until I wanted to change.

If/when she chooses recovery, I have no doubt that she'll thank you for saving yourself and your kids....... I've seen this many times.

Take care of yourself, dvd. You can't take care of anyone else unless you do this first.
The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.
---------Terry Pratchett
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Old 07-05-2004, 02:28 PM   #6 (permalink)

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Thank you for your kind words. I will look at the AL ANON boards.
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Old 07-05-2004, 02:39 PM   #7 (permalink)
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My wife kicked me out when I was at my worst - and it was the best thing she could have done. Be there for her when she chooses the path out of there - if that's what you want but until then you've got to get sane, get strong, and get prepared. I'm so ashamed of the person I became when I was drinking and owe my wife everything as a result.

You've got your work cut out DVD - Take care of yourself, and make the most of the goodfolk here.

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