Jaffapoppy

I feel really upset this morning. I am 12 days without drinking and husband is 6 days. He has depression and work probs and the alcohol was not helping so together we decided not to drink at home. I was away for a week with a friend while he sorted himself out now I have been home for 6 nights. This have been going alright.

Friday night we were planning on going to dinner together after work. It has become habit (last 2 months) to drink late into the night 1am or 2am with our neighbours.(The alcohol I think has increased my husbands depression who 1 month ago became suicidal and had his medication reviewed and changed by his doctor).

This Friday night was meant to be our special night going to dinner after having a rocky patch. Well last night my husband visited two separate lots of neighbours and offered them lifts to their drinking destinations and said I could make my own way by myself after work to our dinner date after he had given all his mates lifts. I was upset and my husband just didn't get it. He accused me of not wanting him to have his own friends and not wanting him to do things with them. He got really angry and was shouting and carrying on.

Sometimes I don't know if I can bother with all of this anymore. It is all really getting me down. He also said the neighbours had asked us for drinks on Sunday pm. People know we have been through a rough patch, I just wish they would leave us alone to sort though our problems. The neighbours increasing encroachment into our life and the associated drinking behaviour is making me caustrphobic. They have returned from East Timor and Afghanistan on deployments with the Australian Defense Force and I think are making up for lost drinking time. 12 months ago before they went overseas we did a lot less with them, now it seems since their return it is Friday something and Saturday and sometimes Sunday!

I feel like I cannot win. If I go for the drinks and have soft drink they are going to call me a wowser, If I don't go I appear like a bitch. If I do go and drink which I dont want to do I will feel angry with myself. But I can't anyway because I am taking antabuse. I have not told my husband I am taking it.

I am sick and tired of everything and have gotten to the point where I don't know if I am overreacting. I feel like running away from my marriage and starting a new life sometimes.