Thumper

I've had to put a lot of thought into this regarding my own kids and my xah (their dad). My instincts are not always so easy to follow because I want to save them - ha - codependent much? . Here is what I've come up with personally (after much helpful sharing from SR!).

My interactions and behavior with my kids are mine and I do what I feel is right for them. It is a separate thing from my boundaries with their dad.

Where I have drawn the line is trying to manage/direct/cushion the interactions between their dad and them. I spent a lot of time and energy making that relationship happen and I decided there was a boundary in there that I was crossing myself! I was trying to control a situation that was not mine to control.

So, in your example, I would read the book. I would not hustle around every evening trying to manage the drinking, harp on dad, try to make sure dad stayed awake, make excuses for dad, etc. I would do what I felt was right for the child with regards to my actions, and would stay out of trying to control dad's actions.

I did a lot of trying to manage and control plans, expectations, relationship, responsibilities, and follow through with my xah both when we were together and after. It is hard to see the disappointment, confusion, heartache in my kids but my job is to stay on my side of that line and be the parent they can count on. I can cushion their bruised souls and manage *our* relationship, but can not manage the one between their dad and them - and no longer attempt to.