Frannie,
Just because we become aware of things, doesn't mean we can fix them now. Gabe and Lorelai are right. It takes time. You are growing. Forgiving and accepting ourself is the first step to changing our "codiness". I am very hard on myself too. It has taken a long time to become loving of me. Take this as a learning opportunity. You are making progress. Give yourself credit for the growth. Frustrating as it is, the only way to grow is to struggle. Growing pains are a part of the process. Your catepillar is becoming a butterfly. Hugs, Magic