Thanks guys.
I really am learning a lot about this disease but sometimes I am a bit slow in getting switched on.
My daughter had made up her mind that she wanted to live with her friends, quite a while ago now, she was sick of her dad putting her down and I was too scared/not ready to leave at that time. I think she is doing the right thing and to be honest, she could do with the break and some peace away from both AH and my own craziness.
Another thought just crossed my mind with AH and his latest argument about me brainwashing - that he has found something else to moan to me about and to throw at me whenever he wanted, if I let him. A phrase i use quite a bit is 'that old chestnut' as he has a habit of grabbing hold of something and not letting it go. Here are a few of them below and I bet there are plenty of common themes with your significant alcoholic others too!
1. The sex one (lack of it) always comes up and for most of our 22 years together. He used to call me fridge! This stopped for a while when I said that I initiated and put much more effort into our sex life buying nice underwear etc.
2. I am boring and we have nothing in common anymore, is a consistent put down too.
3. How much money I spent on hair - when I asked him to reduce his spending on beer. this one I stopped because I showed him that he spent 5 x the amount on beer a year as I did on my hair.
4. I am lazy - passive/aggressive 'so what have you done today?'
5. I dont take enough showers - 'I see your towels still where you left it'
6. We have no friends because all you want to do is watch TV
and now to add to the list
7. You are brainwashing/poisoning our daughter against me.
There never more happier when they are putting you down.