Hi.
I have been reading other peoples posts all week for support but am very confused so wanted to post my story to get other peoples opinions.
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and we have lived together for 3. When we got together he did some party drugs and was not working. He moved in with me after a year and got a full time job and appeared to get his life together. He calmed down the party drugs then went on anti depressants about 2 years ago as he was dealing with some family issues from his teenage years.
So he went on anti depressants and everything was ok for a while and then he started drinking on them. His mother then was diagnosed with cancer about 12 months ago and he got progressively worse until she passed away about 3 months ago when he went completely off the rails. He was drinking and mixing large amount of benzo's and opiates which I told him was very dangerous. He had always been very selfish and a narcissist but by the end he had completely withdrawn from our relationship and wouldn't give me any help around the house or even do anything for my birthday. I did everything for him just to support him through his mothers death and working full time when I have a full time job myself. It got to the point where I couldn't handle all the taking he was doing and asked him to leave the house for a while.
7 days later he went into a 28 day rehab program. He was in the facility for 7 days and then discharged himself yesterday. He got off everything but the benzo's and he admitted that he was frightened to get off them and that's why he left. Whilst he was away it give me a chance to focus on myself for once and try and heal but when he came out so early I was still very hurt. I told him that he couldn't stay at the house as I cant deal with living with him at the moment.
He is trying to continue on the path to recovery and hasn't gone backwards yet. He is going to group sessions and AA meetings. He is only on the benzo's now but is completely avoiding me. He said that he needs time to focus on himself and get himself together before he can look at our relationship and that for the past 12 months he has thought of me as just a chore and wasn't in love with me anymore. He said that he cant talk to me as it could set him back into relapsing as he cant deal with the fact that he hurt me at the moment. He can however see his other friends but not me which hurts me very much. He says I'm not emotionally mature enough and needs some time away from me, but to me it seems like he is just continuing to punish me.
I don't know if I should just cut contact and let him go. He has punished and manipulated me for a long time and said that I enabled him to do drugs as I took care of him by cooking and cleaning and looking after his dogs so I was allowing him to get away with not putting in effort.
I love him very much but don't know if I can deal with it anymore. I just feel like he uses me as a punching bag. He says he loves me but doesn't know if he is in love with me as he has been on some form of drugs the whole time we have been together. He suggested that in the future we try counseling together but I don't know if I have the energy left to put into this relationship. I have been putting in effort for 4 years with nothing in return, why should I keep trying.
Has anyone been in a similar situation and have any advice? I don't know what to do
