I don't know what my definition of love is and maybe I don't know how to truly love myself either. So it isn't worth it to hope that he'll change, should I just not take any of his phone calls and never talk to him again? I don't know how to do that. I feel like I am truly going nuts here. I'm sure this will sound stupid in hind-sight but I don't know how bad his alcoholism is because he only did drink on the weekends and asked during the week but if I said no he'd listen and he never really talked about alcohol out loud, like if he were craving it I would never know, even during the 6 weeks that he did quit drinking he rarely mentioned it.