After my ex boyfriend passed away, I joined Match.com for a while. I received a lot more interest than I expected, and for a while, it was a good ego boost. But the majority of men who responded to my posting seemed to ignore what I said I desired in a partner. They wanted a partner who would attend sporting events, go paddling, camping, rock climbing, and so forth. They were looking for an outdoor-sie type. My post said I was a homebody who enjoys cooking, gardening, reading, browsing antique stores, and spending quality time with friends and family, so they didn't get past the e-mail stage.
The few who made it past the e-mail stage and to the phone call stage were a bit disappointing as well. One man immediately asked me if I had long finger nails. Finger nails? I responded, that's important to you? He said yes. I said, in the whole grand scheme of life, finger nails are important to you? He said yes, I find that sexy. I said goodbye.
The next caller immediately asked me how much I weighed. Then followed that up with a comment that if my weight didn't fall within a certain range, then he wasn't interested. Well, since everyone's weight is subject to change over a lifetime, and it also seemed like a shallow item to focus on, I said goodbye to him, too.
One man did make it past the phone call stage. His e-mails were engaging, amusing, intellectual--a real interesting mix. The phone call seemed like a good two-way street as well. He told me what his likes and dislikes were and asked me what my likes and dislikes were. We met for coffee and the first thing I caught him doing was trying to look down my blouse when I bent over to pick up my purse. He followed up that little trick with a very obvious glimpse at my back side and a "yum" type of response. I assumed he was thinking that I was going to be dessert. Well, that proved correct when we sat down at the table with our coffee and the first question he asked me was, so how many dates do you typically go on before you have sex with a man?
At that point, I realized that the collection of men who were responding to my post on Match.com was a reflection of my current state of mind (though I read and re-read my post and didn't see anything unhealthy about it--damn that magical thinking). They were just responding to the message I sent into cyperspace. That experience made me realize that I was in no way ready or emotionally healthy enough to even begin dating. So I went back to the drawing board and continued to focus on myself. And that's where I find myself today. Happily single and not looking. Life couldn't be more simple, sweet, and serene. I like the woman I am today and I won't settle for men who don't respect me or treat me like an equal partner. Sex is only a very small part of a relationship. If that's all they want from me, I'm bowing out.