lulu1974

I like him and then I got scared and back pedaled. It would be my first real date if I went. So now, I am good enough so I should stop thinking that I am not good enough.
Am I ready? All he asked for is coffee. Its not unreasonable even though he likes me. He seems too interested? Oy. Maybe this isnt the right time for me at all. Bummer. He was cute.

Hugs
Lulu

spinwc

GO OUT WITH HIM! Its just coffee. If anything, you might get a really cool guy friend out of it! Go and have a good time

Remember-listen to your gut!

Throw some of that my way will ya? I want asked out!!! LOL!

Freedom1990

What does your moral compass tell you, Lulu?

ItsmeAlice

I was definitely surprised how many eager suitors showed up in the first few months I was separated from my X. Like sharks to a papercut.

I laid low and didn't put myself out there deciding to instead wait a year as so many here have suggested and lo and behold one by one they turned out later to be too much like my XABF. Too many expectations of me, too. One actually was so surprised by my lack of interest in his advances he made a point of telling me I shouldn't be so choosey at my age (I'm 39).

If you're not sure enough of your instincts then consider whether your recovery is at a stable enough point to handle the influence of a relationship.

It certainly is a lot brighter of a dilemma, right? Having to choose to date or not. When it used to be a decision to chose to get up in the morning.

Best wishes!
Alice

lulu1974

Moral compass says be careful. I havent seen any red flags yet. He is a man not like the drunk boy I was married too. Not sure I feel safe around men yet. He happens to be a federal agent too so that is freaky to me. I usually dont like law enforcement men. Too big headed for me. He seems real but he seems nervous too. I told him I would let him know. I feel more comfortable if he met me on Friday when I was with my other friend in tow. He thought he could manage Friday although it could be tough. I will sleep on this.

DMC

Good luck!

I find myself on the brink of the same... weird situation! (Although I haven't been asked, I have coworkers chomping at the bit to set me up. I have a potential coffee date out there as well.) We've been separated for 8 months, and I'm in no hurry, mostly because I'm really enjoying being single and doing what I want to do.

DMC

Oh wait, NINE months. As of today. Nice. Go me.

lulu1974

[QUOTE=ItsmeAlice;2634165

It certainly is a lot brighter of a dilemma, right? Having to choose to date or not. When it used to be a decision to chose to get up in the morning.

Best wishes!
Alice[/QUOTE]

Awww. thanks Alice. Yes. You said it so true. I have been in recovery and hiding since last September. Not a year I know. I havent made it thru any steps yet but I read all about them daily. I go to meetings. I like that he is asking me for coffee and nice and casual. I have said no to many as well. I said yes to one but that was just a fling and ended immediately and he was more of a friend.
I am scared to date a real man. I have dated boys in the past. Maybe I am not ready.

Hugs,
Lulu

lulu1974

nope. not ready to meet him one on one. If he wants to join my friend and i for a drink on friday fine. Men scare me right now. Cant do it. Or he isnt the right one but something is off so therefore I will follow my gut. Ok. That feels right.

ReadyToHelp

Hi Lulu,



This is easier said than done, since I haven't gone on a date yet since my X moved out a year ago, but...

Can you just go out and be yourself? That's it! Just be yourself. No talking about the ex. No ranting about the b.s. you went through or will never go through again. No saying that a man will never soil your bathroom floor again! Oh, that one's for me, I'm sorry. LOL.

My friend's friend wants to fix me up with her hubby's cousin. I didn't get a he's hot or he's gorgeous, I got a "he's very nice. Very very nice." So, you know what? What's wrong with Ready dating a very very nice guy? I haven't had a genuinely nice and normal guy combined. I've had a nice but kind of jealous, very shy guy who really couldn't stand how dynamic and charismatic I am... (and that wasn't even the A!)

And if I go out with this guy, I'm going to be myself. I just need to practice the why I'm single answer. Can't mention picking the wrong guys subconsciously so I could be baggage free for when The One rolled around 20 years after our college fake-dating, so I could buy a wedding dress, save money for our wedding, and work a million hours of overtime to pay off my bills while he sat on his but and worked 2 days a week, then 6 after I told him to pay me half the expenses and he got mean and nasty and soiled my bathroom floor in a drunken stupor.

LOL.

Nope, I might just say, "the right one hasn't come around yet". That's original.

LOL!

Good night. And good luck.

R.

LaTeeDa

You will never go wrong following your gut. Good for you!



L

Jazzman

He must like Europeans?

I would not call coffee a date, more like a chance to weed out the ones that are not Saturday night worthy. But still, if you're not ready you're not ready.

lulu1974

Yes Jazzman some folks like us eastern european girls. It is a date as its him and I deciding if we like each other to go further. like dinner. i call it a mini date but still the date and all the pressures that go along with it. I think so.

Hugs Lulu

Jenny1232

I think you should go for it! It'd be one mini date - nothing has to be set in stone after that! It might do you some good, JUST TO GET OUT and meet new people! I think it sounds rather exciting!

stella27

me too, DMC. 10 months. I kind of enjoy my forced unavailability. It keeps me in a "casual observer's" position rather than a playah.

have the coffee, Lulu. It NEVER hurts to have friends in law enforcement. trust me.

lulu1974

i am going to agree to coffee and this will be my way of seeing my progress with all I have learned. should be interesting. lol

PieRat

Plus fear of scalding hot coffee thrown in the crotch or face should keep him at bay.

tpen

Your gut and moral compass - go with it!

hopeful4

Going for coffee does not equate a relationship. You know what, even if it turns into nothing, it is an experience and a potential friend. If you go (or even if you dont) you will know for sure what your gut is saying, then just be honest with him and yourself! And...have some fun in life!!!!

Good Luck no matter what you decide!

lulu1974

So I met him..for drinks. My fault as I was runnig too late for coffee. He was nice. A gentleman. Guess what? I have no interest. I cried my whole way home. I cried for the a$$hole I married, I cried for the dreams that wont come true. Oy. He is a risk taker and I am not. I know he is intersted and its nice to be acknowledged but I need some more recovery time under my belt. I wont be pressured and we are very different and I dont want different no more. I just want to be me. He can be the prince of monocao right now but if that means giving up who I am, I am not interested and I dont want him to give up who he is either. Just not a match.