I don't have the answers that you are looking for... I'm sure someone will come along soon. I know that when my AH was taking librium during his early treatment he behaved similar to the way you have described (like he'd had a lobotomy). He doesn't really remember me visiting or anything during that time. He didn't have the confusion, I don't think, but I do remember him acting really strange.
I'm sorry you are going through all this!