I am baffled
I have my own history.....Started very young with lots of drinking and drugs, pills, cocaine hallucinogens, you name it....Had a baby at age 17 and stopped most things ....except drinking and smoking pot...(as if that's ok)
In a very physically abusive marriage..I am also an adult child.
In a total back out.... 1990 or so, crashed my car, smashed my face into the windshield and broke my ribs....not long after I stopped using everything (Gave it up for Lent) and never went back to any of it....Finally got divorced after six years of marriage/hell and moved away.
Started working in psych and substance abuse and have not touched a drink in many years...I ALWAYS SWORE I'D NEVER DRINK AGAIN!!! .....So, one day I was at work and a coworker offered me a Xanax...Yup! That was the beginning of one horrible relapse, I guess it was about one year....who knows, I was in a blackout half the time... I did not pick up a drink but switched addictions. How on earth I managed to keep both jobs is beyond me....ANYHOW....Now I have five years back and I thank God every day.
What brought me to this site is, I am baffled that this could happen to me...I have been able to do many things, such as deal with a family full of addict/alcoholics, I help people/family members get into recovery every single day....I've been working in the field for what seems like forever and always knew never to get involved with an active alcoholic/addict.
I have been in a few dysfunctional relationships and after the last one I decided to take some time off of relationships (5 yrs.!) In that time I have worked on myself (or so I thought) meditation, self help, seminars...Deepak, Wayne Dyer and Marianne Williamson consumed most of my time. And then out of left field I get involved with a raging alcoholic. I have no idea what I was thinking because he told me of the things he's done and all the arrests....the list goes on and on. So I thought it would be ok to see him but only when he is not drinking....which in the beginning he managed to make time for. It's only been about four months and he's rarely sober now, he's a big binge drinker, and it seems that he starts the binge the day before I'm supposed to go see him...... I haven't seen him in almost five weeks, now....How frustrating and painful this is. I am taking this very personal.
To sum it all up....I Googled some things and this site came up so I read for a couple weeks and then finally registered. I'm glad I did...I thought I was doing so well by working on myself and got caught up and REALLY hurt.
Thanks for reading,
Mataleao