Originally Posted by
Stubby23 
But I have a few questions for some of you, and once again if I tread on personal privacy please feel free to say something. For the mass audience, anyone who has had wrong done to them… whether it be from family, childhood, or just people who take advantage of you (in my case all), I know at one point everyone said they were having a drink to relieve the night or the mental tension. When did you guys eventually say…. Screw the past, I have to take control now…. Stop drinking and put up or shut up?
HFA: yes ironically it feels very good to just say something.
Dee: Did you ever have any clue that my “endurance drinking” has now shifted a gear? Or was it constantly a world of denial?
Sugarfiend: So then you exactly understand what the fields like….c haos lol. How did you go home at night and not crave a drink?
Once again thank you everyone for everything.
I don't know that I ever said screw the past, I have control now. I did come to realize that my alcoholic drinking was making my life hell AND those problems of the past weren't getting any better either. I was just adding new logs to an already out of control fire. I've come to learn that being drunk is no condition to deal with those issues in the past and now that i'm sober, I'm making some progress in dealing with them.
Even now, looking back, I couldn't tell you when my drinking "turned" on me. maybe it was a gradual thing over a year....maybe months...maybe just a week - I dunno. One thing IS for sure, it changed. I don't know that I necessarily felt a physical necessity for booze but I sure as hell developed a mental necessity for it. I WANTED it and wanted to feel buzzed whenever I thought I could get away with it.
Nothing I personally tried lifted that obsession to drink. Like you'll hear from a lot of people here, it was removed from me.....it went away when I started working the AA program of recovery. Didn't think it'd work..and kinda didn't WANT it to work (I reeeeeeally loved drinking) but it did anyway.
Being open and honest (like you have so far) is a big step in the right direction. I needed a plan of action though, to go along with my openness and honesty. I'm not big on plans or planning so I figured I'd kinda wing it and adjust as trouble arose. Good thing that option was taken away from me (by the court system) because I'm sure now it wouldn't have worked - I'd have ended up back on the bottle just like I always had. AA gave me a plan of attack, a "proven" methodology, and a lot of support. There wasn't anything I ever said that half a dozen ppl didn't nod their head - they "knew" exactly what I was talking about.
You're off to a good start. I pray you find your way.
Mike