cmc said:
There's a huge difference if 'the talk' is intended to change him vs 'the talk' being about how _you_ feel...
Ooh, I totally agree with this line of reasoning. I too learned early on in my Recovery how I was trying to get the other person to change and so I stopped that. I refocused it so that it was just me communicating what I needed or wanted in the relationship but then what made it even worse was that I realized the other person just did not care to stop and just kept doing whatever hurtful things he wanted to do, without regard to my feelings. That's how I eventually got to learn how to provide for this:
what things _you_ intend to change for yourself
Learning that it was MY responsibility to choose wisely, to choose the kind of man who DOES care about what I want and need in a relationship, to choose the kind of man who is CAPABLE of providing that, took a LONG time for me to learn.
I guess I am just slow.