New to this
I have never posted anything, ever, before, so I feel a little awkward doing this; but I need some insight into what is going on in my life right now. My husband is a recovering alcoholic who quit drinking about 5 months ago. I have known him for 12 years, been married five. He has always been wild, but I was young and did not understand the situation. I actually was ready to leave him six years ago because I realized that his drinking was out of control and then I realized I was pregnant with our first daughter. So coming from a highly traditional family, I married him instead. I know, I can not believe I did it either looking back. Things were not good, but two years ago he entered recovery and stayed sober for seven months. Things were great and everything was perfect, it was like living in a fairytale compared to how my life had been with him. He was taking two medications, one of which was an antidepressant so I am not sure if that is what made things different then. He went to a friends house and had a beer and everything fell apart again. Then over the last year he has repeatedly gotten into legal trouble over his drinking and decided to get help. Only this time around it is different. He criticizes everything I do, nothing is good enough. He always wants control over everything and tells me I do not let him have his position back as head of the household and that I have control issues; but it really is not like that. He is so obssessed with control that he freaked out when I changed the answering machine message because his voice was no longer the one on it. I only changed it because I needed to leave a message on it for him. If I make a mistake he throws it in my face repeatedly. He tells me I do not know how good I have it, but he constantly puts me down. He makes snide comments about my weight because I am a size bigger than I started out as after having our third child. Family and friends call the house and he will flip a switch and be so nice to them, then get off the phone and talk nasty to me. I think he hates me and I am starting to really wonder if I am this terrible person he keeps telling me I am. He will call me from work and be nice, then come home and start criticizing something I did not have time to clean or get done during the day. I feel like I am going crazy, he has never been this way with me. He constantly tells me I am not the person he married and at one point told me I had to change or we would have to divorce. I just can not figure out what it is that he wants me to change into because everytime I try to do something to make him happy there is something else wrong with me. After I approached him about this again, he now says this is how I make him feel. I have a hard time finding alot of information on this topic. I do not understand what is going on and I am trying to detach myself, but it is hard when someone is tearing your self-esteem apart. I went to a local meeting in our small town for families, but all of their family members were still using and did not understand my situation.