Thank you, tjp. Someone told me the same about my X's capacity to love. When I consider his background, it is understandable (he had two alcoholic parents who were never available physically or emotionally because they were always in the bar, so he raised himself and two siblings, he had a very violent father, and has used drugs and alcohol himself since age 13).
The amazing part is the way he functions in his professional and public life. He is highly respected and excels in his profession (helping youth). This is where I met him and how I got to know him. He hid his addictions from me for the better part of our first year together.
A few months after we met, he took a job as a part-time bartender, and a different picture started to unfold. I guess you could say the real him showed up. After a year, he confessed to his drug use and addiciton, but at the same time, he "wanted change and wanted me to be a part of it." He tried with counseling and quitting cold turkey but it didn't happen.
For the next year, I was 2nd place to the addictions, and just decided I couldn't do it anymore. It was too painful and my self-respect and dignity took over.
You said it well, tjp...not everyone operates on the same level of emotional intelligence. Such a hard concept for me to accept right now, because I know the desire is in him...he just doesn't know how, and nothing I can do can repair that for him, certainly not love alone.
He told me so many times in his long emails how much he misses my love. The problem is that he doesn't get that I need to have the same kind of love back. He doesn't know how to give on that level.
Thanks for your encouragement. It is comforting.