Hi Lovesdogs -- welcome to SR! (I love dogs, too!)
Your story sounds a lot like mine but I'm older and wiser (HA!) now, so I will share my experience with you. Your mileage may vary.
My (now ex) husband and I married in our early 20's but didn't have children until our mid-30's. The 10 years while we were childless were spent working, finishing school and PARTYING on the weekends. We drank on Friday and/or Saturday nights very heavily. Oh, yes, we got into our worst fights after drinking, that is for sure. Normally a very sweet man, my husband would spew all the anger and resentment he could muster, call me every name in the book, and a few times shoved me around a bit. One time our best friend asked to have lunch with me because he was concerned about my husband's drinking...and thought he was an alcoholic. I blew that off. Don't know why.
Fast forward 10 years and 2 kids later. My son was 5 and daughter 2. My drinking got scaled waaaaaaaaay back because it didn't take me long to figure out that hangovers and raising small children DO NOT work together well at all. I'd have 2-3 drinks on the weekends but that's it. My husband, however, continued to drink heavily and continued the ridiculous and volcanic verbal abuse. He'd call me such horrible names but the next day would ALWAYS be very apologetic -- as if that would make it alright. He never understood why it didn't.
One morning -- I'll never forget it -- he was erupting about something (probably hungover or still drunk) and was calling me names (fat lazy b*tch was a favorite). My 5 year old son was standing nearby just staring, frozen, and fearful my young daughter was on my hip. That's when it hit me: I had to put an end to this right freaking now!
I told him to get counseling or I'd leave. He went to one session and said the counselor told him she didn't see anything wrong. (huh?) We went to marriage counseling together and the counselor immediately focused on his drinking. He didn't like that one bit and we never went back. No matter how I tried I could not make him understand that his drinking was THE problem. He kept trying to blame ME for it all... if I wasn't such a b*tch, he wouldn't 'have to' drink. If I wasn't so demanding....if I wasn't so lazy he'd have more time to focus on sales.... if I wasn't this or that.... ad infinitum.
So I finally left and we divorced in 1997.
He still binge drinks and my kids (now 19 and 16) hate being around him, never introduce him to their friends, fear him (he has been abusive), and have very little respect for him. He's remarried to a nice woman, has a good job, nice cars, a boat, etc. But he's lost his wife (me) and his children. When we were in "family week" while my son was in rehab, he participated. When my poor son was trying to be honest about his feelings and for once confronting his dad about his drinking, the ex turned it all around and put it back on my son!!! Just like he did with me back in the old days!!! There we are with 12 people in our group listening to that BS and he didn't bat an eye. He really heard NOTHING my son said.
He is in denial, has always been in denial and no matter what losses he incurs he still sees it as being the cause of external forces. There is no hope that he will ever get it. If he hasn't gotten it by now, he never will.
I don't know if this helps you at all, but it's just something to keep in the back of your mind as you move through this decision process. Get some good support (SR), learn how to set boundaries, get the counseling of an addiction specialist and attend al-anon meetings. That's the best advice I can offer. Above all, protect your children as best you can.
Namaste.