desert,
so true about looking for validation outside of myself, I feel I have little value and this gets reinforced with what to me feels like rejection. and reinforced some more with the guilt and shame of things I did or didn't do as an alcoholic.
toronto,
I think it is more of me not doing my part with the therapists, at times lying to them, wanting to do it my way and not taking their suggestions (mostly cause at those times I wasn't serious about quitting). If I were them, and I have told them this, I would have "fired" me a long time ago. Maybe subconciously pushing them away before they leave me? I think so at times.
I know that my ex-friends/husband are "not AA", but still really hard not to equate rejection from them as rejection from AA as a whole. working on that, tho.