I really have problem with this thread. I believe many people are being very judgemental and harsh on Anon. It almost feel like she is the only "other" woman we found and we decided to tore her to pieces. Ok she did get quite a bit defensive and it provoked even more hostility. But honestly, I don't see anything so strange about her situation. She is in love with married man. It happens all the time. She souldn't be, we all know that and she knows it on some level too. That married man she happens to be in love with is an A. That's something we can offer support for, and if some of us don't feel like doing so, I don't see the need to get offensive and say things like: you should't be here (Jenny I think that was really inapropriate). The last I checked this place was for Friends and families of A's it doesn't say No mistresses included, so I believe she has a right to be here as any other person.
I personaly never had an affair with a married man. If my AH had an affair the only person to be blamed for it would be him and not that other woman. In my mind it wouldn't be a moral thing to do from her, but since I wouldn't really know that woman, her story, her troubles, her issues, her hopes who am I to judge her. Of course I wouldn't be approving of what she did, but to me she'd only be a symptom of something else that's wrong. That's how I see it.
And Anon, I think it is good you found this place. It's a great place that can help you start working on yourself and address your own issues that led you to your current situation. Maybe you don't see it right now like you need to do some work on yourself, but I hope you'll give it a try.