Originally Posted by
Anon1972 
Everyone is basing it on the typical affair though, he doesn't slag her off, he constantly tells me how bad he feels for what he's doing and how she doesn't deserve it because she's so nice to him at home. He IS a decent man, not being biased, but he is, and everyone knows it. I lived with him for 3 weeks, I know exactly what goes on because his mate moved in when he had a row with his misus so I do have an insite to it actually, and he does practically live in the shed, but at the end of the day, he is unhappy when he's not with me, and it wasn't him who said that.
Honey ... you said he's with a different woman now than he was 5 years ago, right?
If he is so enamored with you as you say he is, why did he not, during the gap between these women (was there a gap? or did he cheat on one with the other?), choose to be with you then?
I've been on BOTH sides of this coin. I've been the cheated on, and I've been the cheater. You know what I heard from MY married man? "We only live together for our daughter and to split bills, we don't want to sell our child's home, we sleep in different bedrooms, we aren't intimate anymore, we're still friends, blah blah blah."
I wasn't even in love with this man; I was cheating on my husband at the time too because he was abusive and I was searching for someone to give me validation. When my (second) husband found out, he confronted the Mrs. ... and found out that everything the married man had told me was all LIES.
My first husband cheated on me after 14 years together and two kids. It devastated me and totally crushed my world. He's still married to her today and they have 3 kids.
I'm over all that. You know why? Because I don't look for happiness or validation in others anymore. I find validation in myself. I know who I am and I like who I am and I don't need anyone else to affirm that for me. And, I don't go shopping in other people's baskets anymore. And if I were to have a man in my life that did go shopping in other people's baskets ... that man can leave, but it will not destroy me ever again.
I don't need that kind of life. I deserve better. I deserve someone who is devoted to ME. Who cherishes ME. Who respects ME. Who is with ME. Who is honest and forthright and honorable.
Your situation is VERY typical, although it may be individual to you and him. But it is so extremely typical of the thought patterns of the "other woman" believing in the "married man" and all he says.
I sincerely hope that one day you will come to value yourself more than you currently do.