Yes, Anon, love can surface from an affair.
And if you are willing to settling for being on the side because you feel this is the love of your life, and you are meant to be together, and you're willing to sacrifice your emotional and physical needs to wait for him to figure it out... then that is all your choice.
I would hate for you 30 years from now to be in the same position and wonder why you wasted so much time.
I'm gonna break it down like this... this guy is a classic manipulator. He's got your wrapped around his finger and he knows it.
He tells you how horrible he feels, that he doesn't want to hurt anyone and his anquish over the whole thing so that you will comfort him about it all, and see him in a good light and think that he really is in so much pain that you just have to be here for him because your love is true.....
And that's exactly what he is getting.
The fact is, you're not going to listen to what anyone says about this guy because you see him through rose colored glasses, and are living in a magical fantasy land about it.
And that's okay...
we all stay in situations until we are really done, until we realize that our happiness comes first.
This thread has taken quite the turn though, seems to be more of a thread to defend your relationship with a taken man. Because of that, that seems to be the key issue in your life.
It would be good to really think about why that is.