Its hard when we cant find 'closure'. I guess thats what you needed from him and you may not get it, I figure, as he may never admit he is an alcoholic to you. Alcohol does strange things to ones mind - one minute a purring kitten and the next a vicious lion. Cant tell you exactly the whys and why nots, but it seems you are brave enough to realize that your relationship isnt right, so realize his actions are not about you, its about him.