Originally Posted by
Learn2Live 
So are you here because of your dealings with an alcoholic or are you here because you are trying to figure out how to get back with him? I'm not judging, just asking.
I suppose, both. I AM trying to heal myself from this relationship with XABF, and trying to understand the role his drinking played. But I can't deny that I'm hopeful that we'll find a way to make it work and get back together. And if we do, I'll still have to handle his drinking... So it's a sort of healing and planning thing I'm doing here, I guess.
But I feel crazy, like, "Is he an A, or not?" and "Did his drinking really play a role in this breakup? Because I was making him feel guilty and annoying him by harping on him about it? Or was it all my fault, just because I let myself go..."??
I suppose I'll never really find the answers. Which makes me hurt all the more.
Ginger, you can STILL have ALL that for yourself, but I think you might need to make some changes. I am sorry you are having financial difficulty but if you are making that much, you should be able to get yourself on your feet and fix your financial issues. You don't need HIM to have what you want, that was my point. There are entire families raising children on a third what you make (maybe not in CA though). I'm not a financial advisor but I've read enough books and articles on the subject and at your salary you should at least be contributing the max allowable to your 401(k). Maybe downsize your place to reduce your rent? I had roommates for YEARS to help pay the bills, until I could get some money socked away. IDK, just some ideas. I wonder if you aren't still holding onto him because of the finances, not necessarily because he is the "right" guy for you?
I'm not holding onto him because of finances, because that realization (that I'd be safe) only came up in the past few months, when we started making plans to have me officially live with him. That would have lightened my load.
But before that, I still struggled. Remember, I support my mother too... I'm not just paying my bills. All of my disposable income goes to something.