L2L, thank you so much for your post.
Originally Posted by
Learn2Live 
Do you want to know the biggest difference I see between YOU and HIM? YOU ARE COURAGEOUS!!! and he is not. Go back and read your posts, even just on this thread alone. Look at how much you are willing to SEE and accept and share about yourself! Do you see what you are doing here? You are looking at yourSELF and trying to make you better. Do you know how RARE that is in people? Seems like EVERYbody walks around in their own little world, justifying all their bad behavior and here you are, on a website, SHARING and admitting to who you are. In the raw. THAT takes courage and you, girl, should feel PROUD of this. Hold your head up high.
I'm just trying to fix disaster, ASAP. I want to make it right, ASAP. I don't see that as courageous, I just want it to be right again.
He was my best friend and best companion. Honestly, no one ever treated me better. If I had just not picked on him for the drinking, if I had just not lost myself so that I became unhappy... We'd both still be very happy.
Was your desire to do this because you wanted a well-appointed home to share with a man?
Yes, but with HIM. When we met and I fell in love with him, he lived in a normal condo, so it wasn't like I was attracted to him for his financial security. And at that time, I had no idea just how much money he had. But over time, he evolved into Prince Charming. He was my security blanket, it more ways than one. I saw my dreams for my life coming true with him (including being able to take time off work to have children, which I'd never imagined would be possible before). He enabled me to feel safe...safer than I ever thought possible.
And in breaking up with me without any warning, when I felt my safest, I just... feel like a part of me died. It hurts from a place deep down inside that I didn't even know pain could come from.
You need to learn how to take care of yourself financially so that you do not have to rely on ANYONE.
...
So, the lesson in this is, look at YOURSELF and figure out where to develop YOU so that you can stand on your own two financial feet. Do you need to get a degree? Do you need to change jobs or careers?
I earn just under 6 figures in a professional field. But between my rent (which I wasn't going to have to pay anymore by moving in with XBF), hefty student loan debt, financial assistance to my mother, and having ****** credit from being late on bills 3 years ago (much better now, but my history is haunting me!), I am not in a comfortable financial place. I only have about $10K in savings, and my credit score sucks. I'm working on it, but it constantly makes me feel unsure of myself.
Whereas, with the security he provided, I felt secure and like I could improve my own financial condition over time (by repaying student loans, etc.).