Originally Posted by
gingercharlie 
If I can get ME back, such that I don't have to rely on him for happiness, or get upset when he can't make me happy (particularly when I'm "needing" him to make me happy and he's intoxicated), is there... hope?
I NEED him... that's how I feel. I NEED him.
Someone already pointed this out, but it's so important, it bears repeating.
Do you see the paradox here?
If you get YOU back, and don't have to rely on him for happiness, you will not NEED him.
I believe that love has nothing to do with NEED. Love (in the romantic sense) is a bonus. A luxury in life. It's like dessert. You need food, but you don't NEED dessert. It's great and yummy when you have it, but if you NEED it, you have a problem.
Feeling need for another person is not love. In fact, loving someone means that you only want what's best for them, even if that means letting them go. Need is an entirely different thing and it comes from trying to fill that "hole" inside with something from the outside. It can't be done. That "hole in the soul" can only be filled from within. And until you figure out how to fill it, real love will continue to elude you.
L