jerect...sorry you're having to go through all this...I feel for you as I'm in the same position. I finally made the decision to leave because, for me, staying with my AH became too painful. Our house is up for sale...and my divorce will be final in July...no regrets! Thing is...as painful as it was to break-away from my addict...I needed to help myself...and my daughters. And it's still a struggle today even though I now live with my parents...which is why I need to work the steps...for myself. So whether he stays or leaves, it may not matter to your emotional well-being significantly... I've had to stay on this board...go to meetings...try to get better...because I was still obsessing, contemplating whether he's still using...how bad off he is... So I agree with setting a hard deadline...I also had to give myself a firm date...so I could wrap my mind and emotions around what I was going to do... But the holidays is a difficult time to "kick" someone out... That's the important thing, I think, if you say it, you have to mean it...and I had to make a date that I was comfortable with...so Memorial Weekend it was for me...!!!
All this to say, you have to do what's the best for YOU...so I would encourage meetings and finding what deadlines and arrangements you can live with...and then move forward...take those steps whether you want to or not...no second-guessing...because he may get sober, he may not...but you need to find a peace outside of him and where he is in his addiction...and the only way to do that is to focus on you!!!