I think most people expect you to have to be swigging from a flagon on the street to need to quit.

The fact is I got drunk every time I drank. No always legless but I could never have just one. I blacked out at least once a week and often more. Drank for 2 or 3 days no stop etc..... but so did all my friends so why should I have stop???

The reason I had to stop was because my friends could pick their fights so to speak. They could time their benders so they could still function.. work, relationships etc... For me I could not. I would go out for a quiet pint with no intention to go nuts and have responsibilities the next day or whatever and end up out of it. Miss my next days appointment or else turn up still pissed from the night before. Whereas my mates could have quiet nights and know when to stop. I couldn't and that is the difference between a 'heavy social drinker' and a problem drinker. This difference can be very subtle especially in Ireland where everyone gets wasted. When you do stop you can really see it.

Basically after the first drop touched my lips I had no control of what would happen. Sometimes I would get merry and go home and get up and do what ever it was I had to do .. No problem. Nights like these would leave me to believe I was grand and had no problem. But time and time I would get fcuked up and fcuk up.

I lost jobs, lost girlfriends and started to lose my mind. I realised I had to stop five years ago but only managed to stop properly six months ago. Properly meaning for good.

They say that admitting you have a problem is the first step but to be honest that did not mean much as I kept drinking for another five years knowing that I had to stop and started to hate myself for not being able to stop.

I did what you did at first. Said "enough is enough i'm done" and stayed off it for about six weeks then started again for a year or so then stopped again and continued with this cycle.

I went to AA a few times but hated the 'God' bull****. But I would go back anyway because there were young guys my age (20s/30s) who were doing the same thing and lots of them were managing to stay off it.

I got sick of this cycle of being on and off so I had enough and went to a treatment centre. For me this changed everything. It was serious this time. I was pissed off to find it was based on the AA program because I still hated the 'God' stuff (and still do).

I have not had a drink for six months now. I feel good. Not great but ok. I was also very social and found missing the pub scene very difficult. There is no doubt about it.... it is very very difficult at the start. I just had to grin and bear it. But I do have support. I go to AA (and just don't do the God thing). This has really helped. Things are getting better too. I watched the match tonight with my mates down the pub. I still feel a bit awkward around drinking but its getting easier.

The reason I wrote such a long reply is that I would have written the exact same post as you did the first time I quit. I didn't manage it then because I really did not want to ask for help because I felt was not that bad. But I did ask for help eventually and now I have stopped. I would hate to see you or anyone else go through the same cycle I did and wait for years before you got help.

My advice to you would be to talk to someone who knows what they are talking about. You don't have to go to rehab or AA but you should talk to someone. A doctor or councilor or someone.

Its good to not be drunk anymore.

Best of Luck.